You may remember our blog post from the beginning of April on The Top 5 Ways Brands Can Annoy Customers.

Well it turns out we left one method of annoying consumers off the list and we have none other than a small restaurant in Arizona to thank: Amy’s Baking Company Bakery Boutique & Bistro.

The name is a mouthful and their Facebook page will you give an ear-full.

After being featured on an episode of Gordon Ramsey’s Kitchen Nightmares (where owners Samy and Amy Bouzaglo were subsequently rejected by Ramsey for being too difficult to work with), the owners were swept over by tsunami waves of criticism that were handled so inappropriately on social media that they just exacerbated the problem.

Lesson #1 from Amy’s Baking Company Bakery Boutique & Bistro:

If you don’t want to deal with something, delete it!

An admin on the company’s facebook page, speaking from the perspective of the owners, went on a rage filled post-a-thon that resulted in more than a dozen posts like this:

While the posts were later deleted, screenshots had already been taken and posted all over the internet, from Reddit to Buzzfeed…but no one looking at their facebook page will know, right?

Lesson #2:

Don’t learn from your mistakes.

In 2010, Amy, the namesake of Amy’s Baking Company Bakery Boutique & Bistro (typing that name out is exhausting), turned to Yelp to air her displeasure with feedback posted by a customer.

That post must have done wonders for their business because a few short years later, she was back and angrier than ever!

And now for Lesson #3, a favorite of disgraced politicians:

When the going gets tough, claim that you were hacked.

Don’t forget to mention the FBI – it adds an air of authenticity to the claim.

Suffice it to say that this is a textbook example of how not to handle backlash on social media.

America now knows all about Amy’s Baking Company Bakery Boutique & Bistro, but we’re guessing that none of these people have any interest in ever opening a menu there. How the Bouzaglo’s handled this situation should have involved patience, apologies, and not swearing at the public in a series of heated and immature posts.

No matter what your brand is, let this be an example of how not to do social media

Everyone, meet Little David Hasshelhoff.

He’s a fun little guy. When he’s not napping or eating, he’s weaving his way around our ankles nearly causing us to spill coffee into our keyboards and in some cases, fall down flights of stairs (thankfully, neither have actually happened). He doesn’t mean to cause any harm though. It’s just a side effect of his cuteness.

There is a lot more to admire in our furry Hasselhoff than his exceptional adorability. We’ve learned 5 things from having him around as well, and here they are:

Lesson 1: Be yourself, especially if you’re comical

You know what Hasselhoff does whenever he jumps and falls short of his landing spot? Nothing. He walks it off. Sure any one of us may have felt embarrassed trying and not succeeding. But not Hasselhoff. With his head still high (but still low to the ground) he keeps on moving. He reminds us to do the same.

Lesson 2: If you want attention, you have to earn it

There are times when The ‘Hoff excitedly greets us and begs for attention, but it’s not because he is eager for it. We had to earn this and the same is true for any successful marketing campaign. By giving our Hasselhoff food, water, and lots of affection, he returns the same to us. If you want a successful marketing strategy, you have to give your audience what they want.

Lesson 3: And that means know that people may have to sniff you first

Well, not literally. As gregarious as Hasselhoff can be, he probably still wants to give you a good sniff before getting to know you. We don’t recommend literally doing this, but we have learned that if you want earn someone’s trust, you have to let them sniff you out and get to know you first.

Lesson 4: Forgiveness works both ways

As mentioned above, Hasselhoff sometimes weaves a figure 8 around ankles and often at inopportune times like during an intense game of table tennis or while holding a container of scalding hot water. But we forgive him. And he forgives us when he sometimes fail to notice his little cat paws under our shoes. Forgiveness earns a lot us a lot in the way of growing friendships.

Lesson 5: Cat naps are perfectly OK any time of the day

With the exception of dozing off in the middle of a client phone call, we find cat naps perfectly acceptable. Sure, most bosses would find this grounds for termination, but we find it grounds for reenergizing. We also recommend it to you – just don’t nap for as long as Hasselhoff does otherwise you won’t anything done.

For more lessons straight from The ‘Hoff, like him on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/LittleDavidHasselhoff

Discussing a tragedy while the smoke is still in the air can often come across as callous, and mishandling the situation can ruin a brand image. Should brands go silent? Should they directly address or reference the tragedy? If so, how should they do so?

For an example of what not to do, take a look at these Epicurious tweets sent shortly after the Boston Marathon bombings:

Cringe-worthy, indeed.

They have since apologized, later tweeting, “Our food tweets this morning were, frankly, insensitive. Our deepest, sincere apologies.”

While insensitive tweets are not likely to bankrupt the company, they create a flurry of negative publicity and your audience can turn on you faster than you can hashtag #apology.

A quick check-list that anyone can refer to during a time of crisis:

1. Pause any scheduled posts – you can always post them live at a more appropriate time
2. Communicate with your team and let them know what’s going on
3. Monitor the situation

It seems so simple and yet, in the heat of the moment, with fear and emotion running hot, sometimes, we forget. While a sincerely worded post reflecting on the day’s events can be appropriate, when you start thinking of creative brand ties, like in the Epicurious example, sometimes it is, in the words of the great Albus Dumbledore, “Best to say nothing at all, my dear man.”

We have a list of the 5 most successful ways brands can use social media to irritate their fans as much as humanly possible.*

Get out the chalkboard, sharpen your nails, and get your loudest, quickest clicky pens ready – we’re going to discover what type of behavior brands can use to bother, pester, and all around annoy their consumers.

1)    Post as often as you can

Want to make sure your customers never forget you exist? Remind them by posting every couple hours. Sure, a post once per day or most days per week would normally be perfect for engaging consumers, but why not make sure they have a post by none other than your brand at the top of their newsfeed always?

2)   Only post other people’s content

You could post your own content, but why bother when other people are already posting content that you can share thus cutting time out of your day to make another post?

While posting other people’s content tell consumers absolutely nothing about your brand, what you do, what you offer, what’s new, or literally anything else that would encourage people to engage with your brand, it does, well, actually, nothing at all.

And don’t worry about silly things like copyrights. They’re just for show.**

3)   Auto-respond to engagement

People love “talking” to a machine when contacting a company’s customer service department, so why not apply a similar tactic to social media? Remember: what saves time regardless of the consequences is always the most fruitful path to travel so infuriate customers by auto-responding to all concerns – the good, the bad, and the neutral.

4)   Limit or eliminate engaging posts and never include images and links

People really like reading. You’re reading this blog, aren’t you? The more text the better. Things like images and links will just confuse people and heaven forbid, get them to engage. People engaging = people talking … and they might say something bad.

To help you out, the following posts have a 100% annoyance success rate:

• Mondays are crazy, right? Lol
• How’s everyone doing today?
• What is the deal with zebras?

5)   Only talk about yourself

The reason people like or follow your page is because they think you’re really great. What else would they want you to talk about? Things that are interesting to them? YOU are interesting to them.

If you need help learning how to talk about yourself, spend some time at a middle school lunch table.

*If this is your goal, this post is for you. Conversely, if trying not to aggravate fans is your goal, this post is also for you.

**This is not true.

It seems obvious that this should not happen when we discuss it in these terms, but it happens in companies across the globe and from small to supersized.

Because social happens in real time, people have a tendency to want to adjust their entire strategy in real time, and sometimes forget the importance of looking at trends over time before making big, strategic decisions.

Consider the Facebook bug that infected page metrics just a month ago:

The metrics found in the Page Insights dashboard of each Facebook fan page had been incorrect, leading page admins to believe their posts reached fewer people than they actually did. Until the bug was discovered and fixed, brands assumed that their impressions and reach were on a downhill spiral. Those who waited to see if the data was a fluke were in a much better position than those who immediately abandoned ship, and adopted a new approach, based on the data from that limited point in time.

Brands should not look at a point in time; they should look at metrics over time. Understanding which strategies work requires analyzing data (impressions, engagement, etc.) to determine which days, times, seasons, and so on produce the most engagement.

For example, a point in time could provide inaccurate metrics results if affected by a sports game where people are watching the game and not their Twitter feed. It could be affected by a day with high religious observance where people are celebrating and not liking your otherwise engaging posts. Some of this can be planned for but some things, like natural disasters or major news stories, are not predictable and can have a significant impact on how your content performs.

Analyzing a much longer length of time, say, this April as compared to last April, or the span of one year, provide more accurate insights that allows social media strategists to analyze social media campaigns then adapt to their findings.

This is never an easy process. It takes a lot of experimenting and testing out of different ideas and strategies to find out what works, then find out what doesn’t work with that strategy to improve upon that as well. The more analyzing, changing, synthesizing of efforts, experimentation, etc. that takes place, the closer brands get to strategies that deliver real results.

But we have to look at realistic metrics over time in order to do that.

Look at a large enough sample size and then determine if your menu is appetizing, if Citizen Kane is a great film, and how your social media strategy should be adjusted to get the most out of your social media campaign.

More specifically, how are social media channels like Twitter influencing the way we write?

For example, hashtags were originally meant for narrowing Twitter searches to make tweets more easily searchable. Now we hashtag everything from Facebook posts to handwritten notes.

Some believe these effects are burdensome by replacing normal grammar and syntax with abbreviations and jargon. By limiting “writers” to 140 characters, Twitter forces users to be short and concise, but also prevents these writers from fully and elegantly expounding upon their topic.

On one side of the coin we have the benefit of people just getting to the point, but on the flip side a craft that required dedication and determination is often reduced to purposeful misspellings when the “forced limitation” bleeds into non-social media writing. This doesn’t even mention our over-reliance on auto-spellcheck.

Many teachers and professors are frustrated that they have to teach students not to use “imma,” “u,” and “wanna” when writing papers.

Not all is doom and gloom however: if these still-emerging social media platforms are here to stay (and they surely are), then they should be embraced and functionally incorporated into our lives. In other words, use them as educational tools, literary platforms, and learning mechanisms.

The New York Public Library found one way to do this. They held a National Poetry Contest on Twitter in celebration of National Poetry Month. They encouraged aspiring poets to “submit three poetic Tweets about libraries, books, reading or New York City.”

In 2011, the University of Iowa’s Tippie School of Management offered a full scholarship to their MBA program to one student who wowed them in 140 characters or less.

Other positive uses of social media span from the world famous TED Talks to social media and YouTube for research and education, whether you want to know about human gene structure (or how to make the perfect scrambled eggs).

How social media sites like Twitter affect the way we write are neither wholly good nor wholly bad. As with most things, the issue has its pros and cons. How we choose to harness the benefits like the NYPL did is up to us.

That’s it for this blog. L8r.

Scotty couldn’t keep giving it all he’s got if he was having trouble making it to the engine room on time because the elevator on Deck 7 was in constant disrepair and Bones was tired of him constantly cutting through sick bay.

While those handy little Motorola communicators they carried allowed the crew to keep in touch, it wasn’t exactly the best form of social engagement.

Enter the future, and a few simple ideas to boost morale through sharing and leveraging enterprise social media platforms.

1)    Your newsletter as a tool to build community

We recently launched a newsletter with a client, called Social Spark. With more than 3,000 employees and a strict IT policy, not everyone is able to experience what the company is doing on the social web. So we brought life and personality to a newsletter format. Each issue shares the content and stories that are impacting the company’s performance on the social web, gives advice and direction on how employees can engage, and finds room for something fun. When was the last time your newsletter came with instructions about how to turn it into a piece of origami art?

Lesson? Don’t exclude anyone from your social initiatives, even when they can’t directly participate. You’ll increase your social capital and maybe even spark a few great ideas.

2)    TV’s are a good thing

Got a break room? Internet? TV or display monitor? Hook them up and stream your social presences. Are you using an enterprise network like Yammer? Stream that. Conferences aren’t the only place that people want to see what’s going on in your social world.

You could go so far as to setup a private check-in location and encourage people to create meet ups and engagement via your private networks. (Yes, I said it. Encourage employees to take breaks and socialize.)

3)    Break down silos via social

Yes, social engagement platforms can amplify real life engagement. Your engineers might hangout and talk to other engineers. Your marketing team might just speak in buzzwords on your enterprise network. How to avoid it? Build a communications plan for your enterprise network and deploy a community manager for it.

Community management is the social web’s secret weapon. It’s easy to explain and hard to understand. Believe me, I still get that puzzled look and age old question, “So you don’t use a tool to do that?”

The real win here is that what’s good for the public is good for the private. A trained community manager will reap benefits across an enterprise social platform and help to facilitate dialogue and uncover inspiration and innovation inside your networks.

Captain Kirk did have it easy in one respect: if things weren’t working, he could always give Spock a wink and out came the Vulcan Nerve Pinch. You don’t have that. But you do have low-hanging fruit that you can start to pick-off to better align resources, foster innovation, and deliver better results sitting inside your enterprise.

So what are you waiting for? Engage.

–

Josh Jordan is the founder and chief strategist of Make Me Social, LLC, a full service social marketing firm based in St. Augustine, FL and Baltimore, MD.

In his position as chief strategist, Josh is responsible for the company’s leadership teams and business units, maintaining the company’s vision, growth plan and providing strategic direction for clients as they continue to further embrace and grow their online marketing initiatives.

But things are changing.

LinkedIn had long been viewed as the social media platform that did not need to be visited regularly. Now, with frequently updated, high-quality content, members have a reason to visit the site with more regularity and this gives brands a reason to put more eggs in the LinkedIn basket.

Just last year, the network added a “follow” feature that allows members to follow influencer’s newsfeeds without having to officially connect. They also rolled out a long-form publishing tool (think “blog”) so that these influencers can post lengthier, media-rich updates to their profiles.

Those changes meant unique content, hosted on the network, which these influencers would then drive their connections, followers, and fans to.

For LinkedIn, it meant more traffic to the site.

When users visit their LinkedIn account, they see LinkedIn Today, which represents a huge opportunity for brands. LinkedIn Today is a content marketing platform that aggregates news based on which links are shared within a user’s network of contacts. It also offers brands the ability to sponsor content.

Here’s a short comment from Scott Devitt, Internet analyst at Morgan Stanley, on what LinkedIn CEO, Jeff Weiner had to say:

New opportunities in Marketing Solutions from original content: Jeff Weiner mentioned that Marketing Solutions was one of the opportunities he is most excited about as the company moves forward. In addition to robust opportunities in traditional B2C and B2B advertising, LinkedIn is in the early stages of establishing itself as valuable content marketing platform. Insights from thought leaders and companies sharing white papers / other valuable professional insights create incremental monetization opportunities through sponsored posts on the LinkedIn homepage.

LinkedIn is now reportedly in talks to buy Pulse, a news aggregator that 20 million people use to read stories on mobile devices. This acquisition would let LinkedIn users spend more time on LinkedIn by creating their own newsfeeds.

The idea behind features like LinkedIn Today, the LinkedIn blog section, and the possible acquisition of Pulse is that users will be spending more time on LinkedIn which gives brands more of a reason to take advantage of the digital space LinkedIn provides.

But none of this means that every brand should be on LinkedIn. Certain brands simply cannot benefit enough from what LinkedIn has to offer to justify spending the time (and money) on the site. Other brands however, lose great opportunities by not being on LinkedIn.

Determining whether a brand should be on LinkedIn is a case-by-case determination. But if you know your brand can benefit, remember: If a user’s eyes are on LinkedIn, then a brand’s content should be there to be seen.

Enter MeeLocal, just released to iTunes on March 15, 2013.

A new entrant to the local discovery market, MeeLocal allows users to create and curate lists through images, hashtags and geo-tagged content.

“Local is one thing. HyperLocal is another,” said Stephen Danelian, founder of MeeLocal. “We live our lives through discovery and sharing. Making a way to enable that in a simple yet powerful way is what we are focused on.”

The mobile app market has continued to blossom as mobile device proliferation continues to trend upward and people share their experiences in real-time.

According to IDC, in 2012, “the global market for mobile phones grew 1.2% on shipments of more than 1.7 billion units.” And based on Cisco reports, global mobile data traffic grew 70 percent in 2012, demonstrating that devices aren’t just sitting idle in people’s hands.

Perhaps most telling is what apps people are accessing on a regulars basis. Popular social networking and sharing sites like Facebook report high rates of use for their mobile applications vs. desktop versions.

GfK Marketing and Communications recently reported social sites and activities account for almost one-third (31%) of smartphone online minutes – double the proportion for email, which ranks second at 16%.

“Reading in-the-moment status updates and posting short comments, replies and likes are activities tailor-made for smartphones,” said Robert DeFelice, Vice President on GfK’s Media team, in a news release. “Apps encourage a targeted, deliberate approach to online time that consumers may not even clearly associate with ‘the Internet’. On a PC, by contrast, people open browsers to access social media, email, and a variety of other sites; but their interest in going beyond a familiar repertoire of activities, even on the PC, seems to be dwindling.”

The blending of activities is also driving adoption and unique uses.

“Second screen engagement and in-event social sharing has really taken-off,” said Josh Jordan, Chief Strategy Officer for Make Me Social. His firm works with brands and personalities in creating and blending unique social experiences, both online and offline. “We’ve seen the power that mobile sharing can have in driving behavior and influencing consumer behavior. It puts content in context, and getting HyperLocal is a holy grail for engagement.”

If you’re going to mail 1 Billion pieces a year, I guess you should get a little bit of a discount.

And, it wasn’t so long ago that Cap One called up their suppliers and said, “Hey, listen, ummm … the economy is kind-of tanking a little and we need to pull back. So … yeah. Sorry …” I’m paraphrasing of course, but you get the picture.

So why was I so surprised to see this?

Maybe I just never assumed them to “go big or go home” again. I mean, Alec Baldwin is still funny, but he’s not getting Bieber money right? And I can’t imagine the Vikings are raking in the dough.

So how expensive is that logout screen ad? It’s on par with the most expensive display ads on the web.

Either way, it’s kind of refreshing for me to see a brand like Cap One that has an almost mythical reputation in the direct mail space for their progress and aggressive marketing, owning that logout page for Facebook. It’s where they belong.

Yes, I’m sure that mobile users are asking themselves, “What is he talking about?” But that’s for another blog.

—

Josh Jordan is the founder and chief strategist of Make Me Social, LLC, a full service social marketing firm based in St. Augustine, FL and Baltimore, MD.

In his position as chief strategist, Josh is responsible for the company’s leadership teams and business units, maintaining the company’s vision, growth plan and providing strategic direction for clients as they continue to further embrace and grow their online marketing initiatives.